quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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