i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
