I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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