he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
