It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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