i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
