he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
