I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
