If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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