yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
