I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
