my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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