there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
