I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
