I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
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You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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