Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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