Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
