Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
