She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
