You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
