somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
