I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
