I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
