there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
