Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
