Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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