Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
