i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i think i just lost a toe
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
