but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
