You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
