if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
