he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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