its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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