i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
