God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
