Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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