I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
