Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
