Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
