And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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