he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
