why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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