Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
4 words: hood of his car
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
