Soap is not a condiment
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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