The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Mom said you looked used
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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