Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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