so explain again why im purple
no
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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