...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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