Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
