i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
