Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
