So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
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Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
3 2 1 whiskey
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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