with your own penis?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
