i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
