I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
