so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
