I need to stop coming to work sober
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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