Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
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and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
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Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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