I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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