Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
