you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
