Porn is love you can see.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
