Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
