I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
