How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
