I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
