You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
