She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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