Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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