So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
