but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
