its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
