Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
