I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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