We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
accomplished twins. life is a go
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
